When looking at any relationship there are actually three interests at play. We will look at human relationships first, then generalize.
In a traditional relationship you have one party that is distinctly male in interests, bias and tastes. there is also the counterpoint-female who has her own distinct interests, bias and tastes. It is a problem that is old as mankind that they have a very difficult time understanding the other. The other party is foreign and does not resonate within their own understanding and motivations. A natural tension exists polarizing what is the essence of femaleness in opposition to the essence of maleness. If this was all that there is to relationships, then all would be emblazoned with power politic. The healthiest of connections resigned to an agreeable level of mutual dissatisfaction. You see the application of this interpretation in the popular media under the banner of feminism, black lives matter, indigenous reconciliation, etc ad nauseam. It all sounds reasonable but fails to sufficiently explain the nuanced relationship by only describing the antagonizing forces of Marxist diabetics.
I posit that there is a third element that makes a relationship function. A bonding influence that can overcome the tension of the dialectic which I characterize as Bob – the relationship.
In the early, ‘honeymoon’ stage of a relationship both parties feed bob because it feels good under a wash of pheromones. Thoughtful consideration and willful compromise shift power away from the individual and empowers Bob providing an identity and presence. The relationship identity is what binds two individuals together. Consider it the overlap of individual interests. When Bob is healthy the powers that bind are strong. Bobs needs are inconsistent and persistent become transient temporary and conditional. If unattended, the power of binding element lessens. This often happens when individual interests are chosen at the expense of Bob. This erosion can be slow and unnoticed for a time. At times Bob may be overly supported by one of the parties while the other neglects. This was functional but not sustainable as it breeds resentment. If unattended for long enough Bob will die of neglect. Then the relationship is left to be political and often antagonistic resulting in misery and ultimately a divorce emotionally long before anything physical and final.
This metaphor of a recognizable human condition when reflected on the modern political and economic stage helps in the understanding of relationships amongst countries and the need for international bodies such as World Health organization, United Nations and other bodies.
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